What I've Learned About God...

A reflection of my life spent following Jesus.

It's been almost four years since I hit my knees out of desperation and literally handed Jesus the keys to my life. Before that I was utterly lost and didn't even realize it. It's sort of like furniture on an incredibly grandeur scale. You can tell the difference in quality between an expensive couch from a place like Four Hands and an inexpensive couch off Amazon. But if all you ever knew were Amazon couches, you wouldn't know what you were missing out on. Friends with Four Hands couches might tell you, you might even go over to their houses and experience the quality yourself - but unless you take ownership of the fancy couch - you're not really going to understand how much better having that couch is. This is what my faith was like before I made the decision to go for the better couch. I knew and witnessed a faith so strong in my grandparents and parents. I went to church and heard the truth. I had really great Christian friends encourage me and try to lead me onto the path everlasting. But when it came down to it, I didn't really understand or realize what I was missing and that there was something so much better. I wasn't ready to part with the sin and thought patterns that had so easily entangled me for decades. It was a vicious spin cycle that I couldn't seem to escape.

And this is what the enemy does. He fools you into thinking that this is the best it's going to get; that there is nothing better out there than the amazon couch and you can't afford anything else anyway. He will do anything he can to steal, kill, and destroy you. And to you, it may look like a good time. This is what he wants! Satan is the master manipulator behind the curtain of your life and his main mission is to keep you from knowing God and following His ways. I learned this the hard way and I want you to know - if this is you - there's a way out. So here's what I've learned in these four years of following Jesus, and maybe it will encourage you:

1) His kindness leads to repentance. When I take a long hard look at my life and the mistakes I've made, I wonder why I'm allowed to even breathe another breath. I wonder why God keeps giving me chance after chance. Even now. I continue to think thoughts I shouldn't think, do things I know I shouldn't do, and say things I shouldn't say. In every situation, it hasn't been a shame or a regret that has led me to turn from my wicked ways and thoughts. It's been God's kindness and realizing how indescribably good He's been to me. Besides being desperate for a permanent change, that's the one thing that drove me to my knees in 2018. It was looking out the window as time seemed to slow, watching my three healthy children laugh and throw the ball with my husband, and think why me? How does someone like me deserve these healthy children and a husband who forgave me despite everything I did to try and tear my family apart? And that's when I was faced with the reality of God's kindness. It was His kindness that prompted me to fall to my knees in sorrow and tell Him I was sorry and I was ready to follow Him. It was His kindness that sent Jesus to the cross to pay the ultimate penalty for my sin and your sin. Nothing we did or will do deserved it. If it was about deserving, I would be 6 feet under the ground right now. It is and always will be God's kindness that leads me to repentance.

2) God still speaks. Did you know that there is a movement, or a "camp", out there who believes God doesn't speak to people anymore and everything God wanted to say has been said in the bible? This is based on interpretation from Hebrews 1:1. I'll be honest in saying that shortly after my conversion experience, all the "camps" (I'm using quotes here so you see the complete disdain I have for this word as it describes people who are supposed to all be part of ONE body) and differing theological viewpoints on biblical doctrine really turned me off and quite frankly made me sick. It all felt incredibly divisive to someone who was on fire and a total deception tactic of the enemy. The whole notion that God didn't speak to people anymore meant that everything I had experienced up until that point in life was all a lie and I had never really heard God like I thought. This false interpretation really rocked my faith and made me question everything. Was I really saved? Was everything that had happened up to this point really God? Was my grandpa (a man who loved the Lord with all his heart, soul, and mind and talked to us constantly about his relationship with God) really following God or a demon? No lie, these are the exact questions that were tormenting me. It really screwed me up. It led to a long and intensive soul search with God's word and my faith. I had to shut off all the "camps" for awhile by disengaging in podcasts, devotionals, etc. All I could look to was God, His word, and yes - the experiences - that led to my surrender. This is all I knew I could rely on. I can 100% say without a shadow of a doubt that GOD STILL SPEAKS. I have had life altering moments in my life that have led me to where I am today. Those moments wouldn't have happened if God didn't still speak. Jesus has been a friend to me, and the last time I checked friends speak to each other! I could do a whole book on the ways God has spoken to me (all lining up with scripture of course). Hearing God speak is what I long for! He is my shepherd, and while I didn't recognize His voice for a long time, I know it now and it's the greatest joy of my life to hear the voice of God. It's honestly what I live for.

3) God cares about the details. Shortly after my conversion experience, I was told I was too hyper-spiritual. When I heard that word for the first time, I honestly thought it might be a commandment in the bible somewhere so I spent some days researching what God had to say about being "hyper-spiritual". Couldn't find anything. Although I was a baby and was reading the bible for the first time in my life with new eyes, I still didn't really understand what that term meant. Everything I read showed hyper-spiritualism lived out. But because I chose to listen to outside voices for awhile, I believed the lie that asking God for small, seemingly insignificant things was being too hyper-spiritual and He could only be trusted with the big stuff. However, the more I started shutting off voices from the outside and started drawing nearer to God and His word, I learned that God does in fact care about the details! You won't get very far in the Old Testament without realizing that God cares deeply about the details. When you have an incredibly awkward experience at work, do you tell your friend the brief overview of how it went down or do you tell the details? Jesus is my friend and He has cared about the small details of my life just as much as He has cared about the major events. So can I ask God what to wear on a certain day? YES. It doesn't mean He'll answer me every time, but I like to involve my friends in the small details of my life. And Jesus is my best friend. I hope, if there is a scale in heaven of hypo and hyper spiritual saints, I FLY off the hyper side.

4) Church isn't and shouldn't ever be a business. I'm talking about the building you go (or don't go) to on Sunday mornings. Remember when I used quotes to show my disdain for "camps" in point 2? The church operating as a business entity is right up there with that. For too long, churches have operated this way and people on the fence or new believers can see right through it. Sometimes better than long standing members in a congregation can. American capitalism, while it's a great and beautiful thing, has sadly infiltrated its way into the church. When you read the bible with new eyes and look up and, collectively across the board, what you're seeing is completely opposite to what you're reading, you know there's something wrong with that picture. Church should be a gathering of like minded believers that worship their King - love Him and love others. As soon as this thing starts operating like a business, we've fallen into the traditions of man and we need to correct before it's too late. Praise God that He's rooting this out in 2022; He is tearing down the golden calves churches have made to look like a mega corporation and He's lifting up those that have remained faithful and true to Him. He's getting His bride ready for His return! If there's any "business" to attend to in the kingdom of God in 2022, it is the business of abiding in Christ and holding tightly to Him. That is the business we're called to. May He come back to a bride with oil in her lamp and a lamp burning.

5) It is all about the relationship. Jesus created a way for me to have access to God. Access to God means there's an open line of communication with my Heavenly Father. A line that wasn't there before Jesus did what He did on the cross! Now I can be called a daughter of God because I have accepted what Jesus did for me. This reads as very basic christian talk, but I don't think we really understand the POWER in this. I can talk to the creator of the universe and He hears me! He sees me! He knows my name! There's a legion of angels that He can command at the drop of a hat to protect me! There are evil forces that surround me and want nothing more than to get me off course, but I have a presence that is in me that is far greater than all the forces that surround me! I literally have nothing to fear. How privileged I am to know God and be known by God. How amazing it is to have a relationship with the One who holds the entire world and knows past, present, and future. Anytime I get bogged down with all the differing interpretations on scripture, the outside voices that try to distract and discourage, or my own self doubt, I remember that I have a very present helper and friend. He leads me, guides me, and restores me. Jesus is my very best friend. He can be yours too. He loves you so much. He sees you, hears you, and knows you by name. If you're still breathing, his hand stands extended. He is waiting for you to reach out and grab it. He'll pull you right off that couch from amazon and show you what a Four Hands couch is all about.

There's a lot more I've learned since 2018, but these are the highlights. I pray that if you're on the fence - you have heard there's a better way, you've even seen how this way has impacted those around you - that you'd simply pray a prayer of surrender. It can go like this:

Lord,

I'm sorry for the way I've lived. I believe that Jesus is the son of God and that He died on the cross for my sins and was raised three days later from the dead. He made the way for me to have access to you, God. Thank you. Help me live for you now and help me lay down anything necessary to do that.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy but I have come, so that they may have life and have it abundant! John 10:10