Reading the Bible: I started in Ephesians...

Not too long after the façade of my happy marriage abruptly came crumbling down when I spoke out, to my husband, about all the ways I had potentially destroyed our union; I became desperate. Desperate for a need to be filled and an emptiness – that had been with me my entire life – to be exchanged. Even though I had surrendered my life to following Jesus wholeheartedly, I was still somewhat believing the lies I had previously allowed to consume my thoughts and dictate my actions. The crutches I had leaned on for so long - alcohol, toxic thoughts, addictive tendencies, manipulative behavior, selfish motives, and the like - were slowly dissolving, but a battle was still raging in my mind.

Why am I still having these thoughts, God? Show me where to turn to eliminate this warfare taking its toll...were prayers I would hastily scribble. Evidence of the struggle plagued the pages of my journal. My prayer life was more consistent than it had ever been. I had become diligent in pruning the dead things in my life, but why were my thoughts still battling for my mind? I had been through a cancer scare in the form of shingles on my frickin’ head for crying out loud! Wasn’t the attack enough? A reprieve from the assaults was critically needed.

If I learned anything from playing sports at a highly competitive level the majority of my life, it was that one of the most important aspects of securing a victory was to know my opponent. Which is why it’s no surprise at all that my college coaches would go to great lengths to scout our upcoming adversaries and then spend hours with us scrutinizing game film while we jotted notes. In order to defeat the opponent, it was necessary to learn their tendencies, capitalize on their weaknesses, and, most importantly, figure out how our strengths could systematically dismantle their efforts. We did this consistently. Even if we’d already played Texas once in the Big 12, we still needed the scouting report in order to be refreshed before the second go around. It was a necessary part of the process in order to have a shot at getting the W.

Although my playing and coaching days were long past by this point, and the role of defeated homemaker and wife had taken their place, this concept remained in the back of my mind. So, as any desperate person might do, I went to google. I wanted to really know who my enemy was, and how I could defeat him.

“Scripture that talks about spiritual warfare” ...I typed.

Google then referred me to commentary on Ephesians. Not wanting to read someone else’s word for it, I dusted off the Bible that had served as decoration on my nightstand the majority of my life, and read THE WORD for it. I started reading the Bible out of a place of desperation and need mixed with a little bit of curiosity. I desperately needed to know how to defeat this. I started in Ephesians. And from that starting point, I not only received a holy scouting report on how to battle the enemy God’s way; I also read for the first time who I am in Christ. The decision to surrender to Jesus saved my life, but the word of God has forever changed my mind.

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I’ll be honest with you: The Bible always intimidated me. Maybe it intimidates you, too? I grew up in a Christian home where my parents would read passages out of it, but every time I attempted reading for myself, my eyes would glaze over and I’d get lost. I didn’t understand what it was talking about, so I didn’t read it. Simple as that. Looking back, I realize it was my heart posture that had to change in order for the Bible to make sense. Every morning I’d set my alarm to give myself an hour cushion before the kids woke up – when the house was still nice and quiet - and I’d start by telling God, “Here I am”. And what started as just words spoken out loud; by consistency and repetition, I allowed God to slowly transform my mind with His words of truth over me. This is something I still do today. It’s my way of letting God know I am available. 

If you are struggling to read the Bible, I would encourage you to ask God to show you where to start. And start. Be honest with Him in your wandering. He already knows your heart anyway and takes joy in honest and unashamed dialogue. Remember, he went to great lengths to secure a relationship with you. If you’ve picked up the Bible a couple of times this week, and you’re still feeling lost, I have one word for you: Keep going. Keep seeking. Keep knocking. Great scouting reports, that lead to wins, aren’t just read one day and forgotten the next. They are held onto, scrutinized and studied. Victory is yours to be had, but consistent time in the Word must be spent. What are you waiting for?